


Behind a door of Jealousy

by Denyce



Category: Fastlane
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-27
Updated: 2011-02-27
Packaged: 2017-10-15 23:40:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/166094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Denyce/pseuds/Denyce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deaq’s not going to deny he’s jealous; turns out he’s not the only one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind a door of Jealousy

Shrugging, Deaq lowered his voice the humor gone as he stated calmly, “You can say what you want, but I know what I saw when I walked in – we definitely interrupted the two of you. You were interested, very interested.”

Van shook his head, clearly exasperated as he turned to Deaq. He stopped pacing only to start fidgeting as he overly enunciated his plea. “We were undercover, working – w.o.r.k.i.n.g! Come on Deaq you know that. The mark was there, I was in character just like Billie was.”

Deaq knows what he saw. He'd seen the look from both of them before; he could easily identify it now. He'd caught them and Van can deny it all he wants. His interest in Billie was real. Deaq saw it in his body language, whenever he caught Van's eyes roaming over Billie's body. Not that Deaq could blame him. Van was right; Billie was hot.

However, for all of Van blustering on denial, he wasn’t going to waste his time and argue the point. Blatantly Deaq stared at his partner “You were more than in character. Think I don’t know when you’re hot for someone? You were interested - very interested.”

“It was Billie for Christs sake, of course I was interested! I’m not dead- she’s fucking hot and not to mention down on her knees – for me.”

“It was more than that even before, even now the two of you…”

Van turned away exasperated his arm flailing dramatically as he walked in a circle. “You’re kidding me? You’re jealous of Billie?” Then threw his head back arching his back, and howled in laughter. “That’s hilarious man.”

Annoyed, Deaq didn’t move, he just stood there watching Van’s boisterous reaction. Finally he said, “You don’t see me laughing do you?”

“This is a ridiculous conversation.” Van eyed him, and then gave him a challenging grin. To emphasize the point Van thumbed his chest as he spoke, “If anyone should be jealous about Billie it’s me.”

Confused Deaq demanded, “How the hell you figure that?”

“Easy, after Lexie – any time you two were together, how close you were – all that time the two of you spent without me.”

Deaq couldn’t hide the disbelief that colored his voice. “The way we mourned over Lexie? You’re jealous over that?”

Immediately Van shook his head in denial. “I’m not jealous exactly…”

“Then what exactly?”

“Oh no you started this, not me. You’re the one who’s jealous.”

“Not denying it Van, and don’t get off track. First, you know there was no us back then. Second, I cared about Lexie. There could have been something there if things had been different. Billie she flat out loved Lexie, you know that. It hurt losing her. It didn’t happen right away, but Billie and I we did get close because we were grieving.”

Deaq heard the bitterness and anger as Van replied, “I know you did; I was there remember?”

Deaq couldn’t deny he was taken back, by the harshness in Van’s voice. He held up his hands trying to belatedly defuse the suddenly toxic situation. “Hey, I didn’t bring Lexie up you did. But what I don’t understand is why? We weren’t together, so it shouldn’t matter if I was with Lexie, Billie, or…”

“Or Rosaria.” Van snapped then started to pace angrily like a caged tiger as he raged on. “Oh yeah, all the important loves of your life, I know.” Suddenly Van raised his voice, the intensity clear, his partner’s fear palpable. “I was right there and couldn’t do a damn thing. I couldn’t save Dre and I wouldn’t have been able to save you- would have watched you die just like Dre if she hadn’t saved your life.”

Flabbergasted Deaq stood there unsure of what to say – it didn’t matter Van wasn’t finished.

“And I’m so grateful she was there. It wasn’t until then…” Van stopped and cast him a side-way glance. “If things had been different if she… I wouldn’t have interfered, but it’s when I knew. Everything shifted and I saw you differently.” Shrugging his shoulders Van hung his head. “Afterwards with the funeral, I wanted to be there for you, but you didn’t need me. You did all of that with Billie – she was there for you and you were there for her. The closeness you had.” Lifting his head, Van stared at him imploring that he understand. “Yeah, I was jealous because I wanted to be the one – I wanted you.”

“You have me Van.” Deaq moved forward easily embracing Van’s body within his arms.

Van leaned in, his mouth close to Deaq’s ear as he whispered, “I know.” His tongue outlining a wet streak over his ear, and huskily added. “Not jealous anymore.”

After his rant, Deaq didn’t believe him, and called Van on it. “Didn’t sound like it.”

“Was until after we got together; it changed. It’s different now.”

Deaq pulled Van back just enough to see his face. He didn’t want to ask, but he had to know. “Why? What’s different?”

Abruptly Van pulled out of his embrace, guilt coloring his features. The knot in Deaq’s stomach tightened just as his fear heightened, he was right Van had something going on with Billie, but what exactly… Now to blatantly be confronted with the truth, he suddenly wanted to backtrack to forget his suspicions, to pretend. He didn’t want to lose Van or Billie. He loved Van and Billie was his best friend.

Van avoided his eyes; a flush crept up his neck deepening in color as he suddenly fumbled to face Deaq.

“It’s my fault you’ve been jealous - you’re right, I have been staring looking at her whenever I could. Thought I was being discrete…”

Deaq tried to swallow and couldn’t. No he definitely didn’t want to hear this. What was worse, he wasn’t sure if he was jealous of Van or Billie. It didn’t matter; it hurt all the same.

Deaq asked, “You want Billie?” Even to his own ears his voice was hollow, the hurt evident.

Instantly Van moved with the intention to hug him. Defensively Deaq stepped back, stopping Van in his tracks. Then Deaq repeated the question, needing to know the truth. “You want Billie?”

Van met his stare and answered. “Yes.”

Deaq closed his eyes, the pain in his heart wrapped around him.

Van grabbed him holding him in place as he added, “but it’s not what you think.”

“Not what I think? You just admitted you want Billie – you’re my lover, but you want someone else.” Anger rising Deaq tried to break out of Van’s grip when he spoke, “Sounds pretty straight forward to me.”

Van’s grip tightened and forcibly held Deaq in place. “Hear me out! I deserve that at least.”

Reluctantly Deaq stopped struggling and he waited. “Make it quick.”

Van cursed, his frustration clear, but conceded as he nodded, “Fine!” Van slowly let him go, trusting he’d hear him out.

“I always wanted Billie, right from the beginning.” Deaq cringed at Van’s words. Defensively Van went on. “She’s hot, and don’t tell me you didn’t go there either. Hell you all but admitted it when we were speculating how far Billie got with Sara.”

“That’s not the same,” Deaq countered angrily then added; “Besides we were talking about watching.”

Triumphantly Van exclaimed, “Exactly!”

Thoroughly confused Deaq demanded, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“That’s what I been thinking, fantasizing about Billie – watching you two.”

Deaq’s mouth opened, not sure he understood what Van just overtly implied. He didn’t have to wait as Van nodded. “You two doing the nasty, with me watching, or at least that’s how it started – just a sexual fantasy.”

Deaq heard the unspoken, word. “But?”

Van stopped fidgeting and just stared into Deaq’s eyes. “But, it’s Billie. We know her; she’s not just our boss. Not just a friend. I’d die for her. And you don’t need to confirm or deny it. I know you’d do the same. I love her because she’s family, but somewhere along the line it changed and became more. I love you Deaq don’t doubt that, but what I feel for Billie, she’s more than just a fantasy more than family…”

Van held his stare, letting Deaq see into his heart. Staring into Van’s eyes Deaq knew he was telling him the truth. Although Van was a great liar, whenever it involved his heart he sucked. Still Deaq didn’t know what to think about Van’s confession, that he wanted Billie. Suddenly Van’s words replayed in his head, You two doing the nasty, with me watching.

Questioningly Deaq repeated, “Me and Billie?”

Slowly Van nodded. “I mean I’m there too, watching. At least for the most part.”

“The most part?”

“I do want Billie, but not without you there – same as I wouldn’t want you with Billie without me. I’ve been thinking about the three of us. It was only a fantasy, but it changed over time then after we almost lost her because of that bitch Gabriella…”

Deaq didn’t want to talk about McKussik’s girlfriend Gabriella, and was only glad the bitch was dead. Nevertheless the thought of her only reminded him how they almost lost Billie and before that Van. On how long it took before they actually found her, then when they did it was too late she was already addicted. Once they got her safe they had to lock her up, watch her climb the walls in detox.

It was painful – first almost losing Van. Standing there helpless and all he could do was watch his partner slip further away from him. He remembered the earlier that day how defensive he became when Pop questioned him after his rant that they had problems. Going off on Pops that they weren’t walking down the aisle – weren’t domestic partners. Watching Van laying there dying, he regretted it. Not the part of saying it, but that they weren’t. Between prayers to various deities, he promised he’d rectify that if Van lived. Deaq kept that promise. However he couldn’t act on it until they had McKussik – then they had to find Billie. He was just as worried and concerned about Billie’s welfare as Van was.

He didn’t have time to sort through his feelings. Only watching Van dying made him realize he had fallen in love with his partner. However Van was right when he said he and Billie had gotten close after Lexie’s death – almost intimately close. They had awkward missed opportunities and he couldn’t say why he didn’t react on them. He wasn’t the only one either; he knew Billie was just as aware of those moments. They were both attracted to each other. Still neither of them acted on the impulse.

Now Van was poking something that his gut was telling him should probably be left alone, but against his better judgment Deaq asked. “Are you suggesting a ménage a trois? Us?”

“Yes, no.”

“What?”

“Okay yes, but not a ménage a trois – that sounds more like a onetime thing. I don’t want anything if it’s going to fuck up our relationship, but what I feel for Billie is real. I wouldn’t want to cheapen it to anything like a one night stand. She doesn’t deserve that.”

Deaq stared at Van trying to assess what he said. “So you want to, what? Date Billie, have sex with her, live with her – what?”

“Us! I want us to date her, us to have sex with her, and yeah us to live with her.”

Images of those awkward moments he had with Billie flooded Deaq’s head. He hadn’t realized he had closed his eyes until he opened them when he felt Van’s body press against his. “I’m not jealous; I want you both in and out of bed…”

Van shifted his stance, riding Deaq’s thigh as he licked his lips, “but in bed I would love to see you take Billie, make her fall apart... Have Billie right there when you take me, watching you fuck me hard. Want to lick you both clean – to have you both.”

Deaq couldn’t deny he was turned on by the images Van evoked. Then one filtered in, his own creation of Billie with a strap-on taking Van hard. The image was vividly hot. He stood there watching them, guiding Billie to take Van hard, one hand petting down Van’s flank while his other hand was steadily planted on Billie’s ass pushing her, setting the pace.

Instead of feeling jealous or possessive over Van – his possessiveness was extended to Billie. Feelings he already had regarding Billie and reared up when Sara came into the picture, or Natalie. Up until that moment he had pretended and shoved those feelings down – the same way he did about his feelings for Van.

This time he didn’t, and allowed those feelings to surface. Again Van was right, what they felt for Billie wasn’t a trivial sexual fantasy. It was a hell of a lot more.

Possessively Deaq pressed Van’s body against his, his fingers playing with the unruly curls on Van’s nape as he slowly devoured Van’s mouth. His mind wondering how different Billie would taste, how he’d enjoy taking his time to learn her scent, her taste – of tasting Van on or in her… The last thought almost had Deaq coming in his pants. He wanted to take Van right there, but they needed to talk, to figure this out, and how to broach the subject with Billie.

Slowly he pulled back as he came up for air. His lips muffling Van’s protest as his tongue continued licking Van’s mouth open. Van shifted lining up their cocks and excitedly moaned Billie’s name. Deaq’s hands roamed Van’s body and settled on Van’s ass, playing out the image he had earlier of Billie and guided Van to start humping. It was too quick, both over excited to set a slower pace – it didn’t matter as Deaq encouraged Van “Tell me, if I wanted to watch Billie fuck you…” Deaq watched as Van’s eyes widened with unadulterated lust. Encouraged Deaq continued. With one hand he maneuvered it between their bodies, and laid it possessively over Van’s cock squeezing even as Van continued to desperately grind into Deaq’s hand. “If I strapped her into a harness and guided her cock into your ass. Watch as Billie fucks you with the biggest cock I could find…” Van’s eyes rolled back, and shouted Billie as he came.

Holding off his own pleasure, Deaq caressed Van’s back as his body continued to spasm. He shushed Van, holding him close. Then he heard a noise. Looked up and saw it was Billie.

It took him a moment to realize she was really standing there and not a figment of his imagination. Suddenly nervous Deaq wasn’t sure how long she’d been there, what she heard… Meeting Billie’s eyes, he saw her expression – the wonder, eagerness, excitement; she’d heard them. He noticed how she was biting her lower lip, her chest heaving, and though she was too far to actually see he’d bet from the way she gripped the railing her nipples were straining against her bra. Whatever she heard she heard enough and wasn’t pissed instead she had stayed and watched them.

The tremors stilled, yet in a state of bliss Van’s body stayed perfectly content against Deaq’s body. He didn’t want to break the moment, but they needed to move forward, to address whatever this was between them. Lifting his hand, Deaq gestured for Billie to join them. At first Billie didn’t respond, and then slowly she nodded her consent and started to make her way down toward them.

Pleased Deaq smiled; at least he didn’t have to find a way to broach the subject. Still they needed to sit down and talk openly, honestly - all three of them, and whatever they were going to be they’d decide together.

Fin~


End file.
